Thursday, February 21, 2013

MOMMY's BIOLOGICAL CLOCK - MINE Not YOURS!

Procreation - Offspring - When to CUT it off??? We will all be there one day or maybe some will wait til our biological clock says ... NO more, Please!!  Case in Point...



Are you a mom of multiple kids of the same sex (3 boys) (3 Girls) and you keep trying for that one of the opposite sex?  That one token child that will always be outnumbered!

Are you a mom of evens or odds?  Needing just 3 or just 2 or just 4 or even just 1? Wanting to make it an even baseball team and then cut it off?

How many of you are at the crossroads of life where you say.... Hmmmmm one more/two more or what we got is enough?  

Do you decide to stay on the up all night path with lots of engorged breasts days, bags under the eyes, one arm muscle could squeeze a man to death from all the uplifting of heavy car seat carriers, googling over the sweet smell of a newborn baby's breath, tiny clothes to fold, and lots of "emotional" days.
(One of my faves, is the amazing smell of the newborn baby diapers... it reminds me of the Cabbage Patch kid smell.. it instantly puts me into "I want another one." mood.)

Or

Do you close that chapter, sell the maternity clothes, get rid of the "DON'T Wants" of the adorable baby clothes, embrace long nights of restful sleeping, plan long kidless vacations throughout the year, and/or take that long walk to the Urologist office with your husband to get his kibbles and bits snipped and neutered?


It's a very hard pill to swallow for some!  The end of baby producing.  Many that I know have struggled with closing this chapter of their lives.  Doubting if it was the right decision and feeling some resentment towards their significant other.

Others couldn't wait for sex filled nights of re kindled passionate love making at a Sandals Beach Resort for Couples Only.  Knowing that the baby days of feeling pent up and worn out were over.


The reason why I have decided to blog about this sensitive topic because... it will one day be my reality.

 &

I feel that Ultimately .... it's my decision!!!  

I know some may disagree.. however, I am in charge of my biological clock and I am the one who decides to bear the burden of carrying a baby in my tummy... and I am the one who inherently has a BIOLOGICAL CLOCK that tells me when it's over.  

I understand that in some cases... there are those parents that are overwhelmed with financial burdens or a child's disability or emotional welfare of their family/mother/father and need to make some hard decisions on cutting it off for the father/mother's sake as well as the well being of the family unit.  I totally understand!!

However, my belief is that an emotionally sound mother should be the one who makes the decision as to whether they are "done" having children.  Our biological clocks are geared to reproduce and create life.  I feel that mother nature will tell me when it's time.

(Some may disagree... I understand.. it's not a religious thing for me ... it's purely a decision based on my clock and what my body is telling me)

TO understand a little more about the female biological clock ... check out this article regarding the onset of a fertility meter and how the body prepares or responds... It's quite fascinating!!!




It's funny because when you go to the doctor and they tell you the statistics of birth defects over a certain age and the risk involved it doesn't become such an issue unless you are at that age and someone is telling you.... "Decisions will need to be made over the course of 5 years."   

With that.. in my mind.. my body is telling me.. Ummmm she doesn't know what she is talking about.. I am young, healthy and have 3 healthy kids.. I have it in me for at least 10 more.  Don't put a time limit on me.

(comment based purely on my emotional reaction)

My husband understands and knows that ultimately it is my decision.  He only wants for me to be healthy.  He would have 10 more kids as long as I am here to take care of all of them WITH him.  

In many marriages I have seen... once it's over ... the relationship and sex takes on a whole other meaning.  'We are doing it...just because .... no risks involved ...no what ifs.'  Does that mean that the sex is not has significant and becomes apart of a daily/weekly routine?  

I found ....

Women start regretting the decision and get baby fever and have to suppress their natural instinct to want to reproduce.   I am sure there are men that have the same feelings of knowing that "that is all folks."  3 Girls and Not one boy to carry on the family name.  Or... 2 boys and not having the opportunity to attend a daddy/daughter dance.  Vice versus for the moms.   I am sure it's a deep dark unresolved issue for some and a lot of resentment begins to set in and chip away at every fragment.  Many women or men... May say to themselves..."You know if this doesn't work out.. I can go and start a new family with another."

It happens.. (I seen and I have read about it!)

Now.. Adoption... is wonderful and always on the table for those who wish to have more after the cut.

However, you have to have both parties agree upon pursuing this path.  It is a very important decision and one that will change the course of your family and life.  A wonderful one but life changing.

Communication....


Where am I going with all of this ... When the time comes... COMMUNICATION is key!


Click here -Great article on why it's SOOOO important to Communicate before Vasectomy

Click here - Interesting Read regarding Regretting the Vasectomy Decision

Communicate your feelings!!

your hesitations.

your plan moving forward.

your desires.

make a list of pros & cons

(if the top of the list seems to be something you keep going back to ...then you either are ready or you are not)





Timing....

Hold off on snipping postpartum!  

Never a good time to decide on anything.

My advice give yourself and your husband/partner some time to communicate and decide on such an important relationship/family decision.

Give it a year or two!!


Experts say ... make sure YOU or YOUR husband/partner have no doubts before making this decision.


Regrets.....


If you are one of the many that have regrets... you need to talk with someone (a Professional Counselor) and especially with your husband.   Get it out!  Discuss your anxiety.  Its extremely important for yourself and your marriage.

Here are some stories to share regarding others who have had the same regrets and their stories.






Don't take this decision lightly and remember ... there are options out there and you are not alone.  

Make a decision for life!!!!

Remember that reversals for men are an option as well as adoption.  


Love to hear your thoughts and comments regarding this very important life decision!




(DISCLAIMER*****I am not by any means a professional counselor or a medical personnel or a psychologist...advice strictly mom based and based on  opinion. )

























1 comment:

  1. Well I never got fixed nor used reliable birth control..lol...therefore too many kids to read your full post, hahaha, but I will chime in to say that surgical sterilization is not a good idea because so many people regret it! Poor you know who after I divorced him! And good thing I never got fixed. Who knew I would end up wanting more kids? Maybe one more, and after that I will get the nonhormonal IUD. Good topics Jules!

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